


Kisses

by Avidfangirlforlife



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 23:08:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15873594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avidfangirlforlife/pseuds/Avidfangirlforlife
Summary: the five times Regina Mills kisses Emma Swan.





	Kisses

The first time you kiss her, or at least attempt to, it would be safe to say that it is a complete disaster. As quickly as is humanly possible, you make your excuses and you leave as fast as your legs will carry you. Somehow you know that you must resemble a whipped dog, running away with your tail between your legs. You retreat in as dignified a matter as you can manage, sporting some incredibly confused thoughts.

As you leave the sheriff’s station, you can’t help but curse yourself. And darkly at that. You thank every god that you can think of and name for the fact that your mother is long dead and gone. You shudder to think what she would say if she had seen that particularly stunning defeat.

What could possibly have possessed you in that moment? What on earth had driven you to trying to kiss her? One minute you had been sat in a chair on one side of Emma’s desk (you have to pause and remind yourself that, no, she is not Emma, she is Miss Swan) with her perched on the edge of the desk in front of you. Then, somehow, you had been stood in front of her.

You weren’t sure why, but the two of you had been so close that you could feel her breath on your face. She had smelt like hot chocolate and it had made you feel warm.

The two of you had been arguing about funding for the department, and you had found yourself watching in rapt attention as she argued her case. Something about needing a new patrol car and money to pay Ruby as her deputy full time had been mentioned. You weren’t actually fully listening to her. Instead you had been watching her, when out of nowhere, you had found yourself ion the grips of   
madness.

A part of it was caused by the need you felt to shut her up, you wanted her to understand how infuriating she was. But it was something more than that as well. You had wanted, in that moment, to find out what her lips felt like when they were moving against yours.

And so you had drawn yourselves up, and she had stopped ranting about funds. You had paid close attention to her face in that moment, and you are certain that her eyebrows had quirked up slightly. Almost like a challenge. Almost as though she were goading you on.

Before you could close the distance, in the very depths of your madness, the phone on the desk behind her had rung. In that moment she had snapped to attention and she had realised exactly what the two of you were about to do. The panic in her eyes and the ‘oh-shit’ expression on her face were profoundly Emma. You had watched as she became as rigid as a statue before her.

So, with as much dignity as you could muster, you had turned and walked away. Defeated as you feel, you remind yourself that you were once a queen, and queens hide how they are feeling. As you walk away you resolve to avoid Miss Swan, so that you never again find yourself in such a situation. If it has happened once, it can happen again. Simply, if you are not alone with her again, you will never have to deal with what that almost kiss had meant.

The second time, or rather, the first time you actually kiss her, you find yourself going back on your word to never be alone with Miss Swan. You suppose that you should have seen it coming. After all, she is the other mother of your son. But you had tried so hard not to think about it, so you had succeeded in convinced yourself that was the case.

The second time it happens it is in your kitchen, and very much on your territory. But this time, it is not initiated by you. When it happens you are washing the dinner dishes, of all things. Normally you   
would just use the dishwasher, but you find that the monotonous actions soothe you.

The reason you need soothing is because Miss Swan is in your house. She had come over for the first time in over a month for family dinner. Throughout dinner she had avoided your gaze. Every so often,   
when you had been looking at Henry, you could have sworn that you felt her looking at you.

Something about the quiet of the moment sets to calming your nerves when you feel a presence behind you. A presence that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand on end. You don’t turn around, you refuse to even acknowledge her. Instead, you act as though she isn’t there. By the time you finish the dishes, you have forgotten that she’s there.

When you finally turn around, after drying your hands, you are surprised to find that she is still standing there. Before you can move away from the counter, she moves towards you. You don’t ask what she thinks she is doing, because of course you know. Her arms grip the counter on either side of you. You can feel your breath pick up. She doesn’t say anything, she just leans in and kisses you. It lasts for a long moment.

When she pulls away you are both breathing heavily. Abruptly, before you can even think about speaking, she turns around and leaves. She leaves you standing against the counter without so much as a word. A couple of seconds later you hear her yell goodbye to Henry before the door closes behind her firmly.

Your first real kiss with Emma Swan leaves you reeling and angry and more than a little disoriented.

The third time you kiss Emma Swan, it just so happens that you initiate it. It has been months and months since you had last kissed. Since then your feelings have grown hugely. This time when you kiss her, you are both in a huge amount of danger. There is a chance that one of you will die before the day is out. So you stop holding back and you allow yourself to kiss her.

It is a rather desperate kiss, you pour as much feeling into it as you can. You don’t think about how such messages swill be received, because you need to be selfish just this one. You hold her close to you, one hand tangled in the material of the tank top she is wearing. She kisses you back with just as much feeling. You don’t ever want it to end, but it does.

Henry is safe, which gives you one less thing to worry about. He is in the inner most part of your vault, protected by a mix of yours and Emma’s magic. And now the two of you have to put him to the corner of your mind and prepare to fight. Because if you don’t, then there is no hope. You initiate the kiss because you can’t tell her how you feel, so you kiss her instead. 

You know that she understands.

The fourth time you kiss Emma Swan, it is the next morning. It would be safe to say that you are desperate. Nothing else has worked, and you are both bruised and battered and fast running out of ideas. You have no hope that a kiss will fix it, but you try anyway.

You try because Henry begs you to, in between the sobs that shake his body, and you never could deny him anything. So you kiss her because your son begs and pleads with you. Because he wants to lose Emma as little as you do. You kiss her because he thinks she is your true love. You kiss her because, more than anything you have ever wanted for yourself before, you want that to be true.

During the night, when the two of you had been separated, she was hit by a dark curse. Possibly more than one. Something foul, by the looks of things. You cradle her in your arms, as gently as you can, and tears seep through the cracks between your closed eyelids. Your lower lip trembles from the effort of containing your heart broken sobs. She isn’t breathing. 

Henry sits beside you, rocking gently in place, inconsolable in his grief even as he hopes for what you know is impossible. He sits and silently watches you as you try to work up the courage to kiss his birth mother. Over the months, being the very observant boy that he is, you know that he must have picked up on the shift in your relationship. He hadn’t said anything up until now, in the form of a plea, in equal parts hopeful and desperate.

With a shuddering breath inhaled through your nose, you gently rest your forehead against Emma’s. softly, as though you are afraid of hurting her, you brush your lips together. Hesitant in its’ nature, you brush your lips against hers in a barely there kiss. Your breath hats in your throat at the feeling of how close her lips are.

You pause and hold yourself there, hoping against all hope that this will work. You hope that her lips will start to move under hers. You pause, buoyed by the slightest hope that she really could be your true love. Because for her, you could be good. Truly good. For her you think you could finally redeem herself. You would do anything to be worthy of her.

All you want is for her to love. You just want her to wake up, to continue being Emma Swan. If she wakes up, you won’t care if she freaks out and runs away from you, never to return. If she wakes up and wants nothing to do with you, it will be more than enough, knowing that she is alive.

Emma had only been hit because she had been living up to her name. last night she had truly been the saviour. She had been hit by a dark curse because she had been looking after the people of Storybrooke. You will her to wake up.

Slowly, you draw yourself back from her, away from her face. You trace her face with your fingers, even as you feel yourself crumbling in misery She does not stir, she doesn’t even breathe. Next to you, you can hear Henry beginning to sob as the hope comes crashing down around him as he realises that his mother won’t wake up. It has been too long.

The very last dregs of hope left within your tired soul seep out of you as your hand cradles Emma’s cheek. Storybrooke is silent around you. No one had come out to seek their fallen saviour. Perhaps they are allowing you to mourn in private, or perhaps they simply do not care. None of them come to find the woman whom had willingly sacrificed herself to save them all. None of them care enough to come, even if they can hear Henry’s broken cries all the way from main street.

You steel yourself as you prepare to say goodbye to the woman you have grown to love. As you begin to move away, the fallen saviour seems to come alive beneath your hands. She gasps in a deep breath and her hand flies up to grasp yours. Her eyes open and she stares at you for a mere second before her ears seem to register Henry’s broken cries.

Far faster than she should be able to given the amount of damage her form had sustained last night, she sits up. Her face settles into a deep knit frown as she takes in the emotional state the two of you are in.

“Why are you both crying?”

Henry startles as he looks up, his eyes flitting between you and Emma, as though he is trying to fit the parts of a puzzle together. After a few seconds he starts to laugh, at first it is just a chuckle but it soon becomes a slightly hysterical, belly-shaking laugh. Quizzically Emma looks at him, before turning her eyes back to you. You haven’t moved from your spot, almost as if you were frozen to the spot.

You shake your head to try and clear it. It almost feels as though your head is under water. “I woke you up, from a dark curse…” Your voice trails off, you can’t quite believe it yourself. Let alone out it into words.

For a moment, she looks at you in confusion before something seems to click into place. “You’re my true love?”

You can see a smile starting to form on her beautiful face. It is difficult for you to believe that mere moments ago she had been all but dead in your arms.

She doesn’t wait for your reply. Instead, she grabs you by the lapels of your torn blazer, screwing them up in the process, and pulls you to her. 

The fifth time you kiss Emma Swan, it is in the middle of the road, in front of your son. You can both feel the love in it. The blast of pure white magic that radiates from you is both intoxicating and overwhelming. Every last piece of darkness that has clung on to your soul is expelled. In that moment, you finally feel like a happy ending is something you have finally reached.


End file.
